How to not hate men (and why not!)

The world is making it mighty hard, but ultimately, the world needs more love right now.

A few years ago, I remember making a declaration in a spiritual business group I was part of. I said: "I want to help women be empowered without hating men."

Those few years ago, was the year 2020. We were in lockdown, and I was working on opening my heart to attract my husband into my life. I hated men for years. Being in the tech industry, there were plenty of reasons to hate them. At the time, I realized that if I hate men, I will only attract men that I want to hate into my life, as I did for many years. And so, if I wanted a loving man, it was time to heal it, and let it go.

Now that I've found him, and we're in the year 2025, I still want to not hate men, but the world is making it very hard.

Back in 2020, I wanted to believe in women’s autonomous empowerment, and to not fall into the negativity that misogyny controls us. When people would tirade about misogyny I wanted to distance myself from that because I didn't want to focus on what felt like hateful energy, to muck up the loving energy I was trying to call forth.

I also wanted to believe that women have the power to go beyond the toxic masculine's control of us. I wanted to believe that as we heal, we let go of our own victim mentality, and we take our power back.

I still believe in those things, but in the US, the toxic masculine are slowly taking women's rights away, along with the rights of many marginalized peoples. And so their misogyny is affecting the lives of women more and more, and so now, I take a different stance.

It's important to acknowledge that misogyny exists so that we can look it in the eye, take appropriate action, and to not allow the fact that it exists to take away our power internally. We can say "There are people in this world that hate women" - but not take it in as our truth. To not absorb it into our energies and make it something we behave from, or act from by then, subconsciously believing we are 'less than', or allow the fear of it to paralyze us too much.

It's also important to acknowledge that not all men hate women. When there are these big headlines in the world, it's easy to go into black and white thinking and fall into hating men, and declare all men to be toxic. This false thinking creates paranoia and therefore fear, and it is simply not true. Right now, the world needs more consciousness beyond the divisive, 'it's this or that'. And because, the world right now simply needs more love, not hate.

I know it's hard. And we may still fall into moments of hating men, and that's okay. Don't suppress it. Let it out. Go into a room and scream it out "I f-ing hate men!" Acknowledge it.

And when you're done screaming, acknowledge that it is not men who are doing this to us, but individuals who have very deep wounds, acting out their unfulfilled need for love and recognition from the people they wanted it from the most. They are unhealed, and in reflection, we must look at the ways we are unhealed, so that we can release our own mucky stuff so that we can put out more love.

Not hating men is not for their sake, but your own. We gotta ask ourselves how we want to feel in our hearts, in our bodies. The energy of hate isn't that pleasant. What vibration do we want to vibrate from? Fear and hate? Or love and empowerment? To be empowered is to feel free. And hate does not make us feel free.

Lastly, let's acknowledge that it is the toxic masculine that is hating women. This is a very specific energy. The masculine is an energy that is within all of us, and there is a healthy form of it that exists. That healthy masculine encompasses the qualities of taking appropriate action, the protector, and creating systems for the sake of order and safety. It is planning, making sense of things using our minds in order to create and innovate.

The world right now is showing us that there is an imbalance between the dualistic energies of the feminine and masculine, and we all have percentages of it despite our genders. We live in a society where the healthy forms of the masculine are more revered (making it unhealthy, the step before toxicity), through over-productivity and logic-only thinking. With less preference for the healthy feminine energies of intuition, flow, feelings, compassion and receptivity.

The world is screaming for this balance. Our inner worlds are also screaming for that balance. The more we can balance individually, the more we will invite others to also balance.

I will end with the following quote.

“Few of us can actually change the world. We can only change ourselves. But if enough people took that to heart, the world would change.”

— Tammara Webber

Sending much love! (To men too :P)